Apple bottoms jeans..nope padded bottom shorts!

Forget the Apple bottoms jeans and the boots with the fur. Last night I rocked the padded bike shorts and the shoes strapped to the pedals!
It was spin class round 2! The first class I took I didnt wear padded shorts. HUGE, HUGE mistake. I was rendered useless for over a week because of the butt soreness. So, I made a pricey purchase of padded shorts. And not the cheap ones padded with foam. These bad boys have a gel seat. My butt does not look cute in them and they kind of make me waddle but I love them! Check the out the padding...its like sitting on a pillow!

I was very uncomfortable in them at first, I thought EVERYONE could tell I padded my butt as soon as I walked in to the gym. When I got into the spin room and sat on my bike I was so impressed. My bum did not scream out in pain like last time. I made it through the 50 min class with a smile on my face! The instructor came up to me and asked if I work out a lot because this class didnt look like it was phasing me.  I think my cheezy grin threw her off. It was phasing me..it was a very good class. I was just smiling because my wonderful padded butt shorts! Best money I ever spent!

Uncomfortable Bike seat-1 (Stupid first class)

Melissa-1 (Thank you adidas shorts)

Belly class may always have one up on me but I have evened the score for spin, I will win this battle!

Tuesday's Tips....

Here we go..Round 2! Once again, if you are offended by these, I am sorry. But this are my tips that I feel the need to share!

1. White eyeliner....not ok! We are not in Junior High anymore!

2. Glitter. If you are not working a pole...do NOT, I repeat, do NOT wear glitter!

3. Animal prints. I love them! I really do. However, you have to be very careful when trying to wear animal prints. The rules are as followed.

You may only wear one article of clothing that is animal print!

Your pants, leggins, or tights should NEVER be animal prints.

(I saw animal print skinny jeans in Target and about died!)

Bright neon colored animal prints are generally a bad idea.

Its almost 2010 people...not 1983!

4. Once again I feel the need to talk about leggins. I do think they are cute when worn right. Your shirt needs to cover your butt when you wear leggins. Think tunic style shirt, or mini dress. I dont want to see your butt in leggins. Especially your underwear lines! Unless you are a size 2, no ones butt looks good in tight leggins. Cover that up!

5. Jeans tucked into your boots...I love it! If done right. You must buy skinny jeans to tuck into your boots. (Unless in the snow when you are just trying to keep your jeans dry) The bunch up denim look ruins the adorableness of the boots!

6. This is a HUGE pet peeve for me, so much so that I have chills just writing this down....cat eye eyeliner!! Oh Geeze...I want to take a q-tip to the outer corner of the eye and wipe that hideous crap off! I love me some eyeliner, I wear it everyday. But when you try to do that outer corner flip..i cringe. Here is a photo as an example. If your eyes look like this go to the bathroom right now and wash it off!!

7. Here is a tip for anyone who posts pictures on myspace/facebook/hi5/blogger...anywhere.

Please don't put a picture of yourself up with a caption saying "I look so horrible, fat, hideous, etc" Let's be honest here, if you thought you looked that bad you wouldn't post that picture!! HELLO!! I take bad pictures more times than not, I don't post them! My feeling on this is if you are posting those pictures, you actually think you look good and you want your ego stroked by anyone who see's it. I'm sorry I am not going to say, "Oh, so and so, you don't look fat you look amazing!" No, from now on I will say, "Oh I totally agree...you look horrible in this picture, you should take it down before you are charged with an act of terrorism. It's just wrong to terrorize us with that picture!"

8. Orange tans Jersey Shore style. Some spray tans look very natural...the spray bottled tan for Walgreens/CVS does not. Orange is only a good look on a cheeto. Leave it to the snack foods!

9. Arm band tattoos on women. Oh Pamela Anderson you started a disgusting trend. I love tattoos, I have a couple. I even like arm tattoos on women. But I think if your going to get an arm tattoo you need to fully commit and get at least a half sleeve. There is no such thing as a dainty arm band. The tattoo artist who told you it looks girly lied..he wanted your $75.00.

10. Clip on hair extensions. Just because Jessica Simpson put her name on cheap extensions doesn't make them ok. She doesn't use them so you shouldn't either! If you want extensions stop being cheap and go pay a professional to do them. Other wise you will look like JWoww on Jersey Shore!

Those are the tips today! Check back next week for some more brutally honest tips!!

The crazy cold white stuff called snow....

We have a crap-ton of it! I'm a California Girl, born and raised. This stuff is cold, and I hate having wet muddy pants! We did have some fun playing in it this weekend. My parents have a huge backyard that backs up to a elementary school. The kids had a blast! (Minus Emerson, being cold is not her thing) It is the most snow I have ever seen in person!! Enjoy a few pictures of our snow filled weekend!

Our Family

 

Hiking the "Sliding Bowls" back up.

 

With Daddy's help....

....They made it over the little hill and into the school.

 

 

 

I was yelling at him to stop walking..I just KNEW he was up to something!

 

And down I go...Husband of the year award goes to Jason!

 

At least he helped me up!

 

Me and my little sister.

Tuesday's Tips.

I am going to start giving out my tips on Tuesdays. I will warn you...this may offend some. If one of my tips offends you, then what you are doing is probably wrong and you should stop doing it. Or put your big girl panties on and deal with it.

1. Once you hit your 20's, you can no longer have any crayon colored streaks in your hair.

2. Just because they make skinny jeans in all sizes, doesn't mean we should all wear them.

3. If you and your husband are fighting, changing your facebook/myspace status to divorced does not mean you are divorced.

4. Sunglasses are for your eyes when its bright outside. They are not a headband. They sell headbands at any store...even the grocery store. You will never be cool enough to wear sunglasses at night. Take them off of your head and put them where they belong.

5. Please stop taking 100 pictures of yourself in the dressing rooms at the store. If you didn't buy it, you dont need to post pictures of yourself wearing it.

6. Kissy face pictures are for 12 year olds. You are only allowed 1.

7. If you have the time to clean yourself up and look presentable...please at least do the same for your child.

8. None of us are on The Real Housewives of what ever random city they are in, stop dressing like them.

9. I dont care how much you paid for your boobs, i dont need to see them hanging out of your shirt.

10. If you are wearing a black shirt please dont wear white shoes.

11. Ankle socks with tennis shoes and capris are only ok at the gym. Please buy the wonderful invention called No-Show socks.

12. I understand boots and jean skirts are cute...snow boots and jean skirts are not. Just glance at a mirror before you leave the house.

13. You can not wear every "in" trendy item at once. For example, leggins, boots, belt around the waist,scarf and a hat can not all be worn together.

14. Girls, when you go out to eat with a guy...eat. Ordering a side salad with no dressing is not cute. He doesnt want to spend $10.00 on a bowl of plain lettuce. He knows you do eat, fart and poop. You arent fooling anyone.

15. If you can not name at least 1 player on the team..you are not allowed to wear their jerseys.

Thanks for reading Tuesday's Tip round 1! Check back next week for some more brutally honest tips!

Belly Dancer.....not this lady!

Belly Dancing

Sounds exotic right?!

It is....

If your thin, beautiful and coordinated.

I tried it....I suck.

Here is how I came about trying to shake my jello rolls.

I hurt my knee so I cant do the elliptical.

I saw sign ups for Belly Dancing and I thought,

"OOOhhhh, Thats sounds like fun, I love to shake what my momma gave me"

I figured all you do is shake your stuff so my knee would be fine.

WRONG!

Crazy instructor lady with the bright red tacky flowers in her hair tried to kill me.

First, they hand you this sash with those horrid coins on them.

Yeah, I had to find one to fit my hips....nice ego bashing there.

We start off and I realize holding my hands above my head doing weird snake like moves KILLS.

I felt like i was bench pressing my husband.

Then the hips shaking started.

She had us turning in weird circles and line dancing.

There is something wrong with feeling the fat in your butt jiggle that bad DURING a workout.

Made me very thankful for the hideous coin covered sash to hide it.

No one deserved to see that.

After the 50 minute class was over, My body hurt and I realized I am not as coordinated as I thought.

Don't get me wrong I can drop it like its hot.

I can not look sexy trying to belly dance.

I know....because I had to do this in front of a mirror.

I have to say Belly Dancing-1

Poor Chunky uncoordinated mom of 3 with the bum knee-0

Let me introduce Last Call....

Last Call would be my Fan-flippin-tastic Jersey Shore Nick Name.

Thats right....Last call!

S-Pop over at My Life in 3D shared this website with me.

I suggest you all go get a Jersey Shore nickname!

  The greatest site EVER!

By the way, Jason's nickname was Hard Hat!

I love it!

Religion and School?

Jaidyn my first grader came home this week with paperwork and artwork she did at school. Like always, I take it out of her awesome Jonas Brothers backpack and check it out. I was a little surprised by what I saw. She learned all about Kwanzaa. I asked her what she learned about it, heres our conversation,

Jaidyn, what is this? (Pointing to a kwanzaa art paper)

Mommy, thats all about Kwanzaa

(She said it more like, KAH- wan- ZEEAH)

What is Kwnazaa, Jaidyn?

Some weird holiday kind of like Christmas.

Oh really? Did you learn about Christmas?

No, but I already know mom!!

Oh, do you, why do we celebrate Christmas?

(Her hand on her hip, rolling her eyes at me)

Because Jesus was born!

They didn't teach you that at school sissy?

No, they talked about Santa...some people believe he brings gifts if your good,

but Justin was really bad so if Santa was real he wouldnt get ANY!!

Jaidyn, does santa bring you gifts?

No, Santa is pretend! Hes like a clown who helps celebrate Jesus.

Did you tell anyone at school he's pretend? (We talked about this)

NO Mommy! You told me I couldnt tell them their clothes don't match or that Santa isnt real!

Are you going to learn about the birth of Jesus at school?

Probably (She says it probaby) not. Sometimes they don't teach us important stuff.

So, my question is, if they are going to teach about one religion, shouldn't they teach about all? We are Christian, I am raising my children Christian but I do want them to have an understanding about other religions. Mainly because when they get questioned about their beliefs I want them to be able to intelligently talk about it. I don't want people to think they are Christian because that is all they know. Just like I don't want people to think I am republican because I don't know anything. I study both sides of Politics and I have studied many other religions. But, I don't think the schools should teach anything about it. At least not until the kids are older to have a discussion about their views. In first grade can we keep it to simple math and reading.

And to let you know why we don't teach them about Santa it's because one day they do learn he isn't real. I didn't want them to question if Jesus is real or if we made him up too. And yes, I have had to talk to Jaidyn about not telling other people they don't match. She is a little fashionista, there have been time I have come down the stairs and she points at me up and down and says, "Umm, no. You need to change." My 6 year old is a spitfire! A very nicely dressed spitfire!