Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Tuesday's Tips.

I am going to start giving out my tips on Tuesdays. I will warn you...this may offend some. If one of my tips offends you, then what you are doing is probably wrong and you should stop doing it. Or put your big girl panties on and deal with it.

1. Once you hit your 20's, you can no longer have any crayon colored streaks in your hair.
2. Just because they make skinny jeans in all sizes, doesn't mean we should all wear them.
3. If you and your husband are fighting, changing your facebook/myspace status to divorced does not mean you are divorced.
4. Sunglasses are for your eyes when its bright outside. They are not a headband. They sell headbands at any store...even the grocery store. You will never be cool enough to wear sunglasses at night. Take them off of your head and put them where they belong.
5. Please stop taking 100 pictures of yourself in the dressing rooms at the store. If you didn't buy it, you dont need to post pictures of yourself wearing it.
6. Kissy face pictures are for 12 year olds. You are only allowed 1.
7. If you have the time to clean yourself up and look presentable...please at least do the same for your child.
8. None of us are on The Real Housewives of what ever random city they are in, stop dressing like them.
9. I dont care how much you paid for your boobs, i dont need to see them hanging out of your shirt.
10. If you are wearing a black shirt please dont wear white shoes.
11. Ankle socks with tennis shoes and capris are only ok at the gym. Please buy the wonderful invention called No-Show socks.
12. I understand boots and jean skirts are cute...snow boots and jean skirts are not. Just glance at a mirror before you leave the house.
13. You can not wear every "in" trendy item at once. For example, leggins, boots, belt around the waist,scarf and a hat can not all be worn together.
14. Girls, when you go out to eat with a guy...eat. Ordering a side salad with no dressing is not cute. He doesnt want to spend $10.00 on a bowl of plain lettuce. He knows you do eat, fart and poop. You arent fooling anyone.
15. If you can not name at least 1 player on the team..you are not allowed to wear their jerseys.

Thanks for reading Tuesday's Tip round 1! Check back next week for some more brutally honest tips!


Chelsea said...

OMG you are my favorite person. I love you.